Why Am I Here?

This post is the text of a speech translated from Chinese to English that I gave during my “gap year” to volunteer in Taiwan after high school and before college in 2001-2002. I was 18 when I was wrote this, and I am now 30 years old. Looking back, time has truly flown by, as I had expected. 

I am 18 years old, and I just graduated from high school. Last year, I applied and was accepted into MIT, and I have deferred it for a year to volunteer with Tzu Chi. My current plans are to study for four years of college, four years of medical school, six years of surgical residency. Eventually, 14 years later, I will probably be 33 years old. I know that time will fly, that my life will go by quickly. I also do not know when I will die. Will I die tomorrow or the next month or the year after? I have no way to predict that. I feel that, amidst life's impermanence, since I do not know when I will die, I must first do what I need to do.

When I was in the tenth grade, around age 16, I decided to defer college for a year (a so-called "gap year"), because at that time I did not know whether in the future I would have the opportunity to come to Taiwan Tzu Chi, to follow Master Cheng Yen and to learn from so many Tzu Chi volunteers. I felt that there was a need to spend a year to volunteer with Tzu Chi full-time. (By the way, deferring college for a year is the choice of about 7% of all American high school graduates and the choice of the majority of college students in the UK.)

I feel that this decision was quite simple because I feel this is what I need to do. So I am very fortunate. In coming to Tzu Chi, I feel that I have found a purpose in life.

Since I was small, I was both anxiously and enthusiastically in search of answering some questions on how to best use the time that I have in my life: "What will I do with my life? What do I need to do? What should I do? What is the meaning and purpose of my life?"

This was particularly so during the weekends or holidays, or playing basketball, or playing the cello, or whatever activity after activity that fills the lives of high school students, I would ask: What does this have to do with the purpose of my life? Am I doing what I should be doing? I would feel that, among unlimited decisions and options and choices, what should I do and what path and what direction should I take? What kind of person should I become? I would think: If I do not know the basic direction of where I am going, then how could I make any decisions about how to get there, how to live?

I remember vividly when I was in the seventh grade at age 13. I read an English version of Still Thoughts (now re-branded as Jing Si Aphorisms). One saying said something to the effect of, "If you do not know what you are going to paint, a stroke here, a stroke there, in the end your painting will be a mess and it won’t be pretty." Even though I do not know how I will die or when I will die, when I die I wish to leave behind a beautiful painting. And to do that, I need to properly plan my life.

More importantly, when I read Still Thoughts at age 13, cover to cover in one sitting, the main message stood out to me very loudly and very simply: The purpose of life is to benefit others. In one day, this book had answered a year of my desperate questioning on my life’s purpose. 

I remember that someone asked Master Cheng Yen: When she first started doing Tzu Chi, did she ever imagine that Tzu Chi would become this large? I think the Master never thought about that. Master’s response, however, was something as follows: In my life, I have only done one thing. The only plan that I have made was to benefit living beings, help those who need help. Master Cheng Yen’s courage to help others, her tenacity, and her confidence and faith – are very moving to me.

Some have asked me in the past: Why are you in Tzu Chi? I would then respond, Why is Master Cheng Yen doing Tzu Chi? I hope that I would do Tzu Chi for the same reason that the Master is doing Tzu Chi – or any other activity for that matter. I would like to offer my entire life to others and use every minute and every second for their benefit.

Actually, in the US, it is very easy to do so-called "volunteer work" – and there are many organizations that have service opportunities, volunteer organizations. But Tzu Chi and every organization is different. It is the spirit and the values of Tzu Chi that I wish to learn. When I see Master Cheng Yen, she uses her every second to benefit others. When I see volunteers doing Tzu Chi all around the world, whether they are in Thailand or Taiwan, Jordan or Japan, South Africa or Southern California, I am so moved. Tzu Chi volunteers are the best model for me to learn from at this time. From their bodies and their actions, I can learn how to be a person and how to live. This is therefore the first thing in life that I must do. Everything else is a second priority.